The worstest day

Help! (crying and sniffling in the background)  If  you can read this please help me!  (blows nose)  Please I am begging you (down on knees groveling)  I cannot go on!  It just isn't fair!  Why me?  Why now?  This day will go down as the worst day of my life! (more crying)

  This morning my coffee maker died!  And it didn't even give me one cup yet!  How am I supposed to keep going.  I cannot be expected to function today.  Don't call me.  Don't try to cheer me up!  Just get me some Flippin' Coffee!  And do it NOW!
 I cannot possibly have a good day now! My day is ruined!  I guess I will just crawl over to Starbucks and beg for mercy!  Maybe they will take pity on me and let me lie on the sofa with a coffee I.V.   I cannot just go from a 1-2 pot a day drinker to quitting cold turkey!  This is an abomination!  It is a sad state of life when a mother of three cannot get just one cup of coffee!  All I am asking for is for some small miracle.  If you are reading this please pray for me.

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal™:
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the House of Mochas forever.
~Author Unknown

  This just may be the worst day of my life.(sniff)
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