Pause for thought
Bedtime always has been a time when worries creep out. Laying in bed, surrounded by quiet, reviewing the days events, little things pop into your head. As a mom I have grown accustom to the nightly pre-sleep visits, and calls by my children as these thoughts bombard their brains. Many are indeed excuses not to go to sleep, "I need a drink." "Just one more hug/kiss" and "What are we doing tomorrow?" are common at bedtime. I have my standard replies and often feel guilty at my curt replies. Every so often one worry/question catches me off guard and I am left without a reply. Jack is often the best at coming up with these at bedtime. I remember at 4 years of age having him ask me "How do you split an atom?" as I was tucking him into bed. I remember thinking, this is not a conversation I wish to have right now and stating, "We'll talk about it in the morning." Then wondering how I was going to explain this to my 4 year old. The other night I was hit with one that gave me quite an insight into my middle child. He walked slowly, into see me clearly cautious as this was his 4th visit that night. I looked up to see him and a grimace crossed my face as I stated in my "mom voice", "Why are you not in bed?" He immediately started to cry and I immediately felt guilty at my stern response. I softened to him and took him in to a big hug as he sobbed. "What is wrong?" I asked. "Mom, (sniff, sniff) My life is so dull without music in it. " ( Jack has taken piano for the last 3 years until we moved here and has aspirations of also picking up the guitar.) He continued, saying "I miss playing the piano. I miss my music. Sometimes listening is enough but not tonight." I was speechless. I had no idea that this was such an important aspect to his life. Armed with this knowledge I stated, "We'll get you lessons soon." Not knowing what "soon" would mean. He sighed and gave me a big hug and said, "Thanks Mom." Giving me a smile and off he went to dream of songs yet to be written.