5.17.2009

Pause for thought

Bedtime always has been a time when worries creep out.  Laying in bed, surrounded by quiet, reviewing the days events, little things pop into your head.  As a mom I have grown accustom to the nightly pre-sleep visits, and calls by my children as these thoughts bombard their brains.   Many are indeed excuses not to go to sleep, "I need a drink."  "Just one more hug/kiss"  and "What are we doing tomorrow?"  are common at bedtime.  I have my standard replies and often feel guilty at my curt replies.  Every so often one worry/question catches me off guard and I am left without a reply.  Jack is often the best at coming up with these at bedtime.  I remember at 4 years of age having him ask me "How do you split an atom?"  as I was tucking him into bed.  I remember thinking, this is not a conversation I wish to have right now and stating,  "We'll talk about it in the morning."  Then wondering how I was going to explain this to my 4 year old.  The other night I was hit with one that gave me quite an insight into my middle child.  He walked slowly, into see me clearly cautious as this was his 4th visit that night.  I looked up to see him and a grimace crossed my face as I stated in my "mom voice", "Why are you not in bed?"  He immediately started to cry and I immediately felt guilty at my stern response.  I softened to him and took him in to a big hug as he sobbed.  "What is wrong?"  I asked.  "Mom, (sniff, sniff)  My life is so dull without music in it. " ( Jack has taken piano for the last 3 years until we moved here and has aspirations of also picking up the guitar.)  He continued, saying "I miss playing the piano.  I miss my music.  Sometimes listening is enough but not tonight."  I was speechless.  I had no idea that this was such an important aspect to his life.  Armed with this knowledge I stated, "We'll get you lessons soon." Not knowing what "soon" would mean.  He sighed and gave me a big hug and said, "Thanks Mom." Giving me a smile and off he went to dream of songs yet to be written.
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