6.20.2010

Cheating


The quilt I have been working on still sits and looks at me with longing. The main portion of the quilt is finished; and I am embarrassed to say I am sadly disappointed. When I designed this quilt, I was super excited to get stared. I was young and in love, but foolish. Oh, so foolish. Maybe I rushed into something too soon. I should have planed better. There is not a perfect quilt. I should have seen through the charm, the longing, the bright cheery solids. The more I work on this quilt the less I want to. My design has lost the excitement it once held for me. When I get time to work on it I can only think of the next quilt I want to work on. I am two timing my quilt. Thinking of another while I am with one. Guilty.


I keep trying to change it. I know I shouldn't, but I cannot help myself. I want things to be how they were before. I keep thinking maybe if I change this element or that dimension I will like it better. But, I don't. The honeymoon is over. So it sits, pins half in, borders half finished. While I wait for inspiration to strike me down.


Away from this quilt I secretly look at other fabric, touch it longingly. I draw out other patterns. I stash quit magazines all over the house and buy countless others hoping to find something, anything that will excite me the way this quilt did once. Yes, I feel guilty but what am I to do? I need to decide, am I committed to this quilt or not?


I know it's over. Deep down I know it is time to move on. I have never been one to walk away from a project unfinished. It's a sad fact, but a true one. I am staying with this quilt for the sake of the fabric. I love them all, individually. But together in this pattern it just doesn't work. How can I leave them? There has got to be a way to work this out. When they are completed and together as a whole quilt they will understand it wasn't them. The pattern and I just weren't a good match.

Perhaps I need to see a councilor?
Post a Comment